It’s Sunday, 22nd Nov and today marks six months to the day of when Frank was born, and 183 days that I have been solo mommying. The year and a half of treatment and pregnancy already feel like a distant memory as I live life with my baby boy.
The first eight weeks following his arrival while glorious and full of love, were also a form of torture. The sleep deprivation, the not having a breeze about what you are doing, the sleep deprivation, the fact that you were unprepared for how terrifying winding a newborn would be, the sleep deprivation, the stress over milk supply and accepting that bottle feeding was the way forward, the sleep… you get the drift. Looking back now I do actually wonder how I managed to do it alone but the reality is I was just so happy to have him; I would have gone through any amount of tortue on a daily basis. My coping mechanism was very much to focus on just getting through each day, resetting the following morning, and trusting that the rest would follow. I called in support when I needed it, and got through it we did. Every few weeks we shifted a gear, my confidence grew, sleep got a bit better, life got easier and the love grew stronger.
The months following this can definitely be split into a story of two halves.
The first half was hectic and busy. I threw us into baby sensory classes, baby massage and baby swimming lessons to get me out of the house, meet other Moms and to fill our days and to figure out how to occupy a small baby all day. I also programmed our weeks so that we had an activity nearly every day, whether that was a class, a visitor or catch up with somebody out of the house. The old adage of the day being long and the weeks short are so true. While the hustle and bustle kept me sane and passed the days, it also showed me that we weren’t alone and made me feel very loved. I could literally feel people rooting for me and Frank both in real life and online, which I found hugely supportive and joyful bringing.
Then things started to slow down and we found a different rhythm. I started to get to know my little man and we built our own little daily routine. While we still had lots to do, and people to see, the need to keep us busy waned as we settled into our own little groove. It’s during these few months that I started to feel very lucky that it was just Frank and I. Our day is quite simple as I have one job and that’s to make sure he is ok. We start our day around 7.30am and while away the day with feeding, naps, snuggles, tummy time, smiling, laughing, getting out and about and finish off the day with a bottle, bath and bedtime story. When he’s asleep hugging his teddy I wind down to do it all again tomorrow. While I don’t expect it to be just me and Frank forever, I appreciate how special it is that I can give him my undivided attention and I selfishly get to enjoy him all to myself. Right now our world might be small and restricted by the pandemic, but I feel like every day is just the best possible day and I know I’ll treasure the memories of these first months when life was just the two of us.